New and exciting changes to your public school education, courtesy of your new secretary.
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/I can barely joke about this anymore)
This Tuesday, Billionaire Betsy DeVos was named the Secretary of Education in an historic senate vote.
As expected, the nation's public schools will start to see some changes in its required curriculum. These anticipated changes include:
-Mastery of home economics (girls only)
-Master of Grizzly target practice using AR-15's (boys only)
-The ability to recite all Bible passages accurately and with enthusiasm (counts as a public speaking credit, applications of lessons in the Bible not required.)
-The completion of a scrap book containing screen shots of Donald Trump's tweets covered in red, white, and blue glitter (counts as an art credit)
-The competition of the new Presidential Fitness test, which requires all participants to kneel and genuflect in under 5 seconds.
-Mastery of Dressing like a woman (again, girls only)
-Mastery of living off credit cards, since the entirety of your paycheck as an adult will go towards your massive, unrepeatable student loan debt.
JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. She wants to start a band called Potential Grizzlies. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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