Keep those expectations low, y'all.
by Kate Sheridan (actor/writer)
1. I will go to the gym more. Say, 4-6 times a week. I will buy new pink running shoes and make a kick-ass playlist and commit to an over-ambitious cardio schedule, then be so self-congratulatory when I go to the gym three times in one week that I will give myself the rest of the week off and eat a pizza. I will complete 1/2 of the first week of couch-to-5K and decide that I am more of a yoga person.
2. I will become a yoga person. I will buy a new pink yoga mat and make myself a kick-ass playlist and invest in a 10-class pass at the "serious" yoga studio in town, as opposed to the once-a-week hatha class I take with elderly people. I will sweat profusely, spend 45 of the 50 minutes looking for an excuse to leave early, and will be so intimidated by the tan, fit, bendy suburban moms who can balance on their forehead that I will choose instead to do my yoga at home- download a good tape, wake up at sunrise, balance my chakras. I will sleep in instead.
3. I will learn to cook more than frozen Trader Joe's meals and various incarnations of carbs & cheese. I will spend a lot of money on organic vegetables and free-range meat (which I will miraculously understand how to buy) for a fancy new recipe, and end up being so tired from work all week that it will all go bad before I can cook it. I will settle for adding bagged spinach and store-bought sauce to my Trader Joe's frozen dinner and decide it probably tastes better than anything I could come up with anyway.
4. I will finish my screenplay. I will complete 3/4 of it, save a few very difficult and important scenes, and have a brilliant idea for a different screenplay. I will map it out, and wonder if the story wouldn't be better suited to a novel. I start writing a novel, and remember I am not very good at fiction. I focus my energies instead on a series of non-fiction essays, which will sit abandoned in my computer once I read the new David Sedaris book and wallow in self-pity.