How I faced my fear of the camera.
By Geoffrey Kidwell (actor)
You know how I'm always telling you people how great you are, how you should pursue your dreams, how a life spent in the pursuit of a passion is better than a life spent doing something because it feels safe and how you should face your fears and in doing so, show them who's boss?
I don't always do that myself.
In fact, sometimes when I'm scared of doing something I think, "Well, I'll just start that up next week." And then I don't actually ever start it.
So friends, I stand before you today (actually I'm sitting...in my pajamas...at 12:42 pm on a Thursday...whoops) to tell you that I am not always the brave fear-coquering superhero I make myself out to be.
Case in point: I had been wanting to get into tv/film acting for like...hm...my entire career, but had avoided it on account of my bowl-twisting fear of being on camera and my weak jawline.
But on Wednesday night, I faced the dragon and came out on top...my favorite position. (Sorry for that one, mom.)
To be completey real, I was absolutely terrified.I had been anxious about the class inthe days leading up to it but not overly so. I printed out the sides I had been given to learn and set about memorizing them. They were from an episode of Law and Order in which I played the owner of a hipster toy store in Brooklyn. Type casting.
The scene was super short, maybe a page, and every time I worked on it, I'd finish and think to myself, "I feel like I'm not doing anything."
So the big day comes. I show up in class and I'm more nervous than I can even explain. Actually, wait, I can explain:
Remember that scene in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her pals are first going to meet the Wizard? Well, the lion gets really scared, runs away and jumps out the window.
Compounded with the fact that I was so scared I thought I might get sick was my deep suspicion that I would get up there on camera and the teacher would say to me something like, "You're too big. Stop being so theatrey."
That would kill me.
All of a sudden I realized that it's all just acting. It's just pretend. The difference between acting on the stage and acting on camera is simply scale.
I did the scene as truthfully as I could and let my teacher tell me whether or not I was "too big" or "too small."
I don't mean to imply I'm Meryl Streep or anything. I have a lot of learning to do.
But we've got to celebrate these little victories when we have them, right? I feel like I'm really quick to bemoan all of the things that don't go well in my career but I'm sometimes less willing to give myself credit for the things that do go well.
Not today, bitches. Not today.
Today, I'm patting myself on the back and maybe throwing a few back in celebration of a personal victory.
Now, go out and face your fears. Grab 'em by the balls, twist and pull firmly. You'll be glad you did.
AND NOW...THE WEEK IN WHITNEY HOUSTON!!!!
When it doubt, shoop it out. Here's Miss Houston singing, Shoop. Watch through to the end for some guest appearances. Enjoy!